She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
