a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
