I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
