My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We are two peas in an std pod
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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