It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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