dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
