so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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