He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
