I wanna passion pit in your ass
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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