i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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