I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
