Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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