it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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