so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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