That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
