There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
