Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
