Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
