you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
