i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
