dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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