No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
