Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
