the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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