I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
