Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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