I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
