I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
