I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
