3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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