you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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