Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
