I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
