i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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