Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
