it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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