he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
