Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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