I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
