That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
