my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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