we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
