I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
