well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
