My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
