i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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