At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bring money and cleavage
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm both gender and math confused
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