I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
