i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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