My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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