I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
