So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
