Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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